The occasional rant 1: Prelude
Well, it..s the third of may and to make things clear from the start:
The Eagle of Hyperion is having a really bad day.
And yes, I am fully aware that talking about about myself in the third person while referring to myself via a title is pompous, pathetic, arrogant and ridiculous. Newsflash dudes: At the moment I could not care less!
This oh so lovely and sunny weekend, (which should have been a free and joyous one but turned out to be a sadistic, insane, hermaphroditic bitch with the worst menstruation imaginable, tearing up my ass and skullfucking me like the protagonist of "American Psycho" on a titanic overdose of steroids, testosterone and LSD) started with me having to skip a birthday party I was realy looking forward to due to shortage of personnel in this wonderful branch called "elderly care". And why? Well, if everything I have heard is true, then the one to blame is my buddy with whom I share my job, since he had to go on a mandatory excursion for his nearly-abandoned studies. While this was already somewhat unfair, since I always twist and turn to prevent my studies from getting in the way of my work and he seemingly does not, it was further worsened by the fact that this damned slacker has done much less work than he has been paid for, while I on the other hand have been piling up more hours of overtime than the fraggin Empire State Building..s height in meters!
But there I was. At 5am in the morning, greeted by a nice chill that froze my muscles to death, cursing the fraggin cold mornings of spring and desperately trying to keep these things I call my eyeballs open, (which, due to a completely erratic and terminally fucked up sleeping-rhythm, turned out to be a highly resisting, major pain in the ass) I set out for one long shift that should have been the one of my oh so occupied buddy who spends most of his time at home. If anyone ever tells me that being the son of the boss is an advantageous thing I will smash him head first into the hardest wall I can find on this whole damn planet!
And no, I AM the son of the boss, not that slacker! Fairness? What in Christ..s name is that?
Moving on .. 7 nice hours filled with a wide variety of all the nice little horrors that make up that bloody, poorly paid job (every carer for old people will know what I am talking about) and constantly try to nag your mind and soul to death via slow and vicious torture, while wearing down your body faster than sugar wrecks an engine, I finally arrived at home and thought of perusing some communities in the web as a good way to clear my system of all that rage, so that I would be able to take on the task of writing the most elaborate, sophisticated, thrilling and action-filled plot I have ever written in order to make tomorrows RPG-session one of the greatest ones in my history as a DM, since we have a new player. The fact that this also included one nerve-wrecking discussion with the one player that likes to fuck up his characters (and my campaing with them) faster than you can say "get some common sense into that demented psyche of yours!" was, at that point, only one more small issue on a loooong list of major pains in the butt, so that the prospect of having to go through the motions for the hundredth time worried me little. Most of my composure, mental stability and hopes for a nice weekened had anyway departed a long time ago.
Before I could figure out how to get even the slightest bit of satisfaction out of that miserable day however, one fucking picture at the bottom of one ridiculously unimportant profile in germany..s largest electronic student community ruined my day to an extent even my giganticly vibrant imagination could not have dreamed up.
Bam! One slight glance, one fragment of a second, one tiny moment and some very special memories came back with a power that defies all description. Memories of tue love. I an instant I was hurled back to a time that had torn me apart like none other ever has or will again. True love....I know, sounds wonderful right? Wrong! Sorry to disappoint you, but this feeling can only end in tragedy. It has such a power and "mass" that your heart and mind will collapse under it sooner or later, ground to dust, while at the same time you will experience a feeling of ultimate exaltation and sheer, raw gnosis that makes you want to shed that thing you call "body". True love is a paradox, and few are the minds capable of dealing with it. Mine sure is not. Talk about one ruined day.
But hey, the bad news did not end there! Yehaaaw, even more to come! With a mind being blown out of any imaginable orbit I had to give myself a dose of the one drug that helps me refocus in situations like these: caffeine.
But: caffeine is pure poison when it comes to REM-sleep. REM sleep in turn is what polyphasic sleepers like myself need most. ESPECIALLY if their sleeping-rhythm is as fucked up as mine. Which means that my level of sleep-deprivation which has already reached highly unhealthy heights of unhealthieness will only increase. Then, when the caffeine has worn off my mind will suck up the ensuing REM-Sleep like a man in the desert who has not seen water in 40 days, meaning that I will have dreams so vivid they will be almost indistiguishable from reality. Since that day is one of my worst ever, this dreams will of course be the ultimate nightmares. Yeeehaw again! What greater joy could there be than the prospect of a night filled with horror beyond imagination?
And what does a human feel when faced with such a thing? Right, he gets angry in order to shield the feeble psyche from what is at hand.
So calling me "(pissed times 1000) squared" would be the understatement of the century!